Good news in the end

I woke up late this morning.  This is not an excuse so much as an explanation.

 I woke up late and headed out the door to the run on autopilot.  A small voice in the back of my head reminded me that we had a trail run coming up.  I knew something was supposed to be different this morning, so I figured it was the trail run that was clicking in the background.  Proud of myself for remembering a detail on autopilot, I pulled into the parking lot two minutes after we were supposed to be running.  

I pulled into the parking lot and noticed….that it was empty.  It turns out that the trail run is Wednesday.  After sitting in the car feeling like an idiot for a few minutes, I realized that I had an opportunity in front of me. 

I could go home!  I could go out to breakfast by myself or read the paper.   There was absolutely no way I could make it to NOBO in time to join the group, so I was annoyed with myself but off the hook.   I could soak in the tub for an hour.  I could paint my toenails.  I had an unexpected hour available just for me.  The very possibilities made me giddy.

I went running. 

I smiled at the dog walking crew by the entrance gate, pulled on my Elmos cap and started jogging.   I've been paying attention to my stride and my heart rate lately.  Wednesday's workout was a challenging pleasure because I started at the back of the pack and planned to stay there.   As rising temperatures push my particular system buttons, I'm learning how important it is for me to travel slowly.   This morning, by myself, I was acutely aware of the various body cues I was receiving. 

First, I breathe really loudly.  I apologize to everyone I've ever run behind because it must sound like a truck is hanging on your heels.   I was jogging up a hill on the loop and I swear that I got a nod of recognition from the English bulldog panting his way down the hill in the other direction. 

Second, I am incapable of controlling my own speed.  This might explain the occasionally tense expression that crosses my passenger's faces when I drive on an open highway.  If there is nothing in front of me, I just keeping moving more and more quickly trying to get to whatever destination I'm headed toward.  This is a little foolish when running in a loop since most circles are well, circular.  I can go faster but it just gets me where I already am but much more tired and with sore feet.     There were several points during the run where I ran myself into stadium surround sound level of panting, requiring longer recovery intervals simply because I couldn't seem to move slowly.  

Third, I run better wearing a hat.  Don't ask me why.   It makes no sense, causes me to sweat more and is unnecessary while running on trails in the shady woods.   Maybe it's the Mardi Mask effect; I'm looser if I think I'm less identifiable.  Other people go to Vegas, I put on a hat.

Aside from the body cues, I heard quite a bit from the voices in my head.   I had the requisite chorus of negatives telling me to slow down, stop running and reminding me that I could have been READING.  But this time, I also had a large contingent of cheerleaders in there.  I was running, by choice, alone on a Saturday morning.   There was my favorite mentor, Felicia, who ran with me last week when my leg was cramping because she said, correctly, "If I leave you, you will start walking."  There was Neena, one of the Trail goddesses, who won't let anyone quit.   Natalie was all over that trail with me as was my friend Mary, who ran on Wednesday at the back of the pack with me and made me believe that she liked the slower pace.  

 I thought about having conversations with some of the NOBO crew where we  seem to talk more about what isn't working for us than on what is.  It's true.  We are acutely aware of what isn't going the way we want.  We tend to track that progress toward goal very tightly.  And yet…there we are, week in and week out, accomplishing things. 

I know that this is my last NOBO session for a while.  The increasing heat is causing me some problems with dehydration.  My right leg needs me to spend some time working on those weakened muscles if I'm going to avoid longer term problems.   Still, today was an unexpected gift.  I could see the shape of my running life in between NOBO-ing.  I finished the loop and remembered to stretch, realizing that we are awfully close to the end of this program.   The good news?  No matter what happens on April 9^th, a large part of this race is already run.